considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
