I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
