tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
