I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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