Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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