I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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