Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
