just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
zippers are such a cool invention
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
