did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I need water and some morals
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
