So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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