wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
