I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
