I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
