I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
