you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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