Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
