i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
