So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
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i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
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Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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