Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize