I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
