i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
