Need sex. Gaining weight.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
so much tequila, so little girl.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
