margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
