but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
