Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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