none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
