I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
