You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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