ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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