i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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