I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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