4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I am midnight drunk by noon
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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