i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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