so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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