i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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