P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
there is glitter all over my balls
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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