My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
