every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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