he shaved USA in his pubs
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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