I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
