Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
