"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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