Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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