The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
