I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
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Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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