im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
