Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
