Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
