Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
