Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
