i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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