Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
