I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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