Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
