I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
