party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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