Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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