I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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