Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
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In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
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The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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