she looked like the before picture.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
