its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
