if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
