her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
