i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
