yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
