Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
