oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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