He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
