Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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