I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
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I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
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I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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