my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
