it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
