Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
